Gift wrapped in a different package

This is the first time a persocom would write on this blog. Yuzuki is currently doing some DVD burning stuffs so I she was temporarily disconnected from the network. For this reason Chii will be transcribing everything that Master says... *

After the 2:00 PM mass I got too little time to get on a Jusco bus on my way to Jusco. Jusco buses offer free rides to the Jusco department store. It was already afternoon and I only had one hour to roam around and buy what I needed.

I saw what I wanted and it was on sale. But before I surrendered my hard-earned or should I say hardly kept money to the cashier, I decided to check the nearby shop for the price of that same merchandise. Good thing that they are selling the item on the same price. Now my advantage in getting the one from Jusco is that it won't be that a shame to the bus driver on the way home that since I won't be carrying an item not bought from the store. So I quickly went back to Jusco and bought the thing over.

Unfortunately, it was already 5 o'clock in the afternoon. In this between autumn-and-winter season in Yamagata, the sun sets way so much earlier as compared to summer that even made my head think that I was having my biological clock disorientated. In other words, it has been so dark already as compared to the still sun shiny afternoon setting of Yamagata during the spring and summer.

Back to my story, it was already five o'clock in the afternoon and the last Jusco bus will leave in fifteen minutes time. It would be difficult for me if I get left by bus since I would be carrying this big box on my way home which I estimated to be around 30-45 minutes on foot against the searing chill of the Yamagata evening. Not to mention the around 10 kilogram package that I need to burden. The staff told me to wait for just ten minutes and that had been a relief for me as I thought I could still catch the bus.

As I was still looking at the other merchandises there, from time to time I peeped at the counter looking how was my package had been doing but for the next five minutes they were still not yet done with wrapping it. With so much pain in my heart, I accepted the fact that I would surely miss the train. Immediately, my mind ran simulations as to which method should I take upon going home. There were two algorithms that played in my mind. First was to hail a taxi and have myself delivered right in front of our buildings entrance steps. Having no experience of taking a taxi from Jusco to my home, I just made a slight approximation that it might cost me around 2,000 to 3,000 yen. The logic switch gates quickly indicated that the discount won't be of no use as it would just go to the taxi fare. The second, and definitely the cost cutting method was to carry this big and bulky stuff home by foot. It would take me so much a time but will be able to spare two or three paper bills in my wallet. But the map data base warned me that it would really be a long way home.

The optimization systems suggested that I should look for the taxi stand, just in case. Which was what I did. But there was no taxi there. I just saw three phone numbers of different taxi companies servicing Yamagata. I hesitated to call as I thought of how much money would be spent just for the taxi ride. I tried to carry the box and I guessed I could managed to carry it and walk home.

Just a few steps until I reached the first crossroad away from Jusco and I felt the heaviness of the thing. It was not that the thing itself was too heavy for me to carry, but it was the length of time that I have to carry it. My arms felt strained and I felt that urge to put down my load and take a few moments of rest. I saw a taxi coming towards me but it was too late. I was still carrying the box as it passed by me and it was too far enough to see me calling him. So I just did the cycle of carrying the box until a considerable crossroad, take a rest and resume carrying but the longer I move far from the store, the heavier the load seemed to be. At this rate, I thought I would not be able to bring it home.

If only I had brought my bicycle and semi-rubber strap, there should be no difficulty in bring this thing home. But there was no regrets to be made with regards to the bicycle as it could be of no help anymore. I was contemplating of spending around 1,500 pesos for a worry free trip home and save my energy for another task or to continue my agony and penitence of carrying it despite of the severe coldness of the night. I made a slow decision and prayed to God and to the Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage in Antipolo for a taxi. I waited in the spot where I was resting, hopefully thinking that a cab would appear and save me from my self-created misery. But to no avail. I desperately resumed my cycle of carrying my load and still hoped that my fervent petition for a taxi would be granted.

I was already exhausted and my arms were so weak but I was still a straight road away from Jusco. It wasn't still safe to claim that I've already made a third of my journey. I was thinking of calling my friend who owns a car and ask a favor to fetch me here and bring me home. But that would be too much trouble on my friend's part. I also thought of calling a friend who owns a bicycle to bring a semi-rubber strap so I can mount the box on the bicycle and have my friend accompany me on my way home. But the again it would be too much for my friend. I also imagined myself leaving the box right there, go home for my bike and strap and go back to fetch it. But my fear that someone might take it home trashed this current idea in my mind. I was about to call the National Directory Assistance Hotline (104 for Japan) for a taxi customer service number but I again hesitated. I was about to give up and eat my pride to call 104 again when I saw the light of hope flashing before me.

I found myself standing beside a bus stop sign. In it posted was the schedule for two buses-both of them would stop at Yamagata Station. Yamagata Station would be a little too far pass my home that that would be better as compared to walking the entire route home. But wait, what if the buses' last trips were already over? I looked at the timetable and saw that the last trips would be 6:17 and 6:57 PM. I checked my watch-6:14! Luckily I made it quite just on time for one of the buses. After a few moments of waiting, the bus grandiosely made its dramatic entrance and I got on.

There were only two passengers in the bus aside from me. Thanks to the Yamako company that they didn't stop this bus service despite the obviously very low patronage of their buses. I checked the bus fare to Yamagata Station and was surprised to see that the bus would also make a stop at Yamagata City Hall, the bus stop nearest to my place! I was able to sit comfortably (just figuratively as the box had been so huge that we can not squeeze each other on the seat and sit together harmoniously. But still I wouldn't move myself away from my precious box. We've been through a lot already!) and breathe smoothly as I enjoyed the luxury of being on top of a velvet bus seat. Thanks heavens! I asked for a taxi and They've sent me a bus. They certainly knew that it would be hard for me to shell out such a big amount for the taxi fare. This incident really happened this way so that I would once again remember how much They love me. Thank You, Lord. Thank you, Mahal na Birhen ng Antipolo.

* Yuzuki is my high-spec laptop while Chii is my oh-yeah-it's-also-a-pretty-good-spec desktop.

Here Is Gone

HERE IS GONE
木之本桃矢(Toya Kinomoto)＆月城雪兎(Yukito Tsukishiro)

You and I got somethin’
But it's all and then it's nuthin’ to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah

And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin’
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin’
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don’t need the fallout
Of all the past that's in between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
And I can feel you falling

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

你好 (Ni hao)

Watching "The Last Samurai" made me realize that I have a penchant for languages. This is a bit relevant for today's theme. I will talk a little about our exchange program yesterday at Ookura village in Yamagata Prefecture.

I was chosen to present a 10-minute slideshow presentation to the children of Ookura village. I had been notified about a month ago but my cramming instinct didn't fail me again to make me work on my slideshow overnight on the night before the actual day of the exchange program. I had been worrying about using the school's computer installed with Microsoft Powerpoint but as I still had no enought data and picture files until last Friday, I just settled myself in thinking that I would just use my computer at home with Open Office installed on my Linux platform.

I tried the slideshow editing software but found it too difficult to use. I regreted that I didn't prepared early enough to make it on Friday but luckily, I checked out Open Office's website and found out that they'd just released a new version. I downloaded it and installed in in my Windows platform hoping that this last choice would be able to buy me some time for me to sleep. To my astonishment, Open Office Impress (OO's version of Powerpoint) was so easy to use and almost made me forget that it was not Powerpoint that I was using.

I was able to work on my slideshow smoothly and that enabled me to add more topics and enhance the layout of my presentation. To cut the long story short, I finished at around 5:45 am, leaving me with barely 45 minutes to close my eyes and feel the warmth of my think blanket against the almost freezing autumn dawn of Yamagata.

Ookura village is quite far from Yamagata City. I thought it would be around 60 minutes by car but in reality it had been one and a half hour. Along the way I was so worried of getting car sick besides the known fact that I had no enough sleep. Luckily, I neither felt dizzy nor sleepy during the long journey.

My presentation went well though I wasn't really fulfilled as the time limit was so short and I had put so much information on my presentation. Anyway, after everyone had their presentation, a Taiwanese professor had a game where he taught everyone simple greetings and expressions in Chinese. Here are what I learned:

謝謝 (谢谢 in Simple Chinese) - This is "Thank You" in Chinese, "Arigato" in Japanese. It is pronounced as "Sheshe". The character itself means "thanks".
不氣起 (不气起 in Simple Chinese) - This is "You're welcome." in Chinese, "Doitashimashite" in Japanese. It is pronounced slightly like "Bukechi". As I understand, the three characters literaly mean, "not minding what happened", exactly "Walang anuman" in Tagalog.
早安 - This is "Good morning." in Chinese, "Ohayo" in Japanese. It is pronounced as "Sao an". The first character means "early". The next one means "safety".
晩安 - This is "Good evening." in Chinese, "Kombanwa" in Japanese. It is pronounced as "Wan an". Some of you may recall that one of my favorite Mandarin songs is Vic Zhou's "Wen Rou De Wan An" (A Gentle Good Night). The two characters mean "night" and "safety", respectively.
你好 - This is the well-known "Hello." in Chinese, the counterpart of "O genki desu ka?" in Japanese. It is pronounced as "Ni haw". Literally means "you, well?"

I also showed off to one of my Korean schoolmates but letting her hear some of the Korean words that I learned from "Stairways to Heaven". Yesterday was a day full of fun and words from different countries.

Dirty Politics

I am not well-rounded when it comes to politics but through writing I will try it once.

A friend from the Philippines informed me about Arroyo’s admission of calling a particular Comelec (Commission on Elections) official regarding the turnout of last year’s presidential elections. Before that, my mother told me about the accusations being blamed to Arroyo’s husband, which were the same accusations that led to the ouster of former president Erap Estrada.

I am not turning partisan to either sides but please let me express what I am thinking right now.

It is quite shameful for the country to have these kinds of exposes. Having the highest official of the land conversing with a Comelec official during the canvassing of votes leads the common tao (Tagalog for “people”) none other than to think that there is a cheating underway. The power of the chief executive need not be expressed in horsepower or whatsoever physical unit. It is clearly understood by everyone as influence-her influence to make the election turnout yield to her side. Yes, yes, the accused is innocent unless proven guilty. But in the first place, just only for the sake of a clear conscience, she should not engage herself in these kinds of conversation. I believe that even though an election is an obvious manifestation of democracy-power of the people to voice out their opinion. It is in my solemn belief that God’s intervention, especially in this Catholic nation in Southeast Asia, is not just a small thing to take for granted. What I mean is, whoever is governing the Philippines in the Malacañang Palace at any given time has been selected or should I say, allowed by the Almighty to lead His Filipino people. Most of you will react, how about the not so good presidents? I would just say that they were also included in God’s plan to shape our little country. Remember that in the book of Job, God let the Devil send pestilence and misfortunes to Job-so that Job’s loyalty and faith to God be put on a test.

On wire-tapping

I am not sure if we should thank the wire-tapping technology for exposing these tapped conversations of Arroyo and Garci. Yes, may be for this instance, wire-tapping or in a more general term, spying, on someone else’s conversation helped the Filipino people know their president more. But on a general viewpoint, it is still an invasion of an individual’s privacy. It now gives me an idea how unsafe it is in this modern age of wireless technology. This leads me to think that this is not just the first time that Arroyo has been eavesdropped of her calls. Not even Arroyo was the first “victim” of this form of treachery. See how the Devil works by using what Man calls technology.

The Husband

I also feel shame (once again) for Arroyo, especially with what her husband is allegedly doing. I am not a member of any prosecution or defense panels but given that all allegations to Mike Arroyo were true, how shameful of him to repeat history that once overthrew Erap? They know that their critics are all eyes on them, and why still they have the guts to engage themselves in the collections from illegal gambling?

The Widow

I had never been a fan of Susan Roces but this is not the reason for me writing this portion of today’s article.

I was never impressed that someone who has no experience with politics will be righteous enough to take over millions of Filipinos under him or her. As I always heard from people before last year’s presidential election, “Yeah, he might be innocent with corruption and dirty politics. But it would be the advisers and people who would treat themselves as wise that would sweep FPJ away from having a clean administration.” I don’t know what made FPJ change his previous statement saying that never he would run for elections. And now, even after his death, his widow is trying her best to act the best role of her life.

Oh, well. May be it is the same reason that made Arroyo crap her nationwide announcement before that she herself won’t run for the seat anymore.

* I know many people might react positively or negatively with what I’ve written. Well, there are many ways to reach me.

遅刻！遅刻！(Chikoku! Chikoku!)* **

Whew! I slept early last night but I ended up almost running to school for my 10 o'clock seminar. My fault was I forgot to set the clock to wake me up before ten. Thursdays are usually my school-free day but as we are having this special lecture series for the week, my ever-loved Thursday has not been spared. My mobile phone has a wake up function set at 10 am and its sound was the one that woke me up.

My goodness! It's exactly 10 o'clock. I was wondering why the clock didn't rang but I immediately remembered that I was not able to set it. This would be my latest late in the whole lecture series. It was so shameful to the lecturer. I immediately got dressed up and brushed my teeth without eating anything and run to the street to wait for a cab. I'd rather shell out about a thousand yen just to buy a few minutes off instead of riding a bike. But heavens, no taxi had been passing for the five minutes that I'd been staying in the street. I decided to just go to school by bicycle then as I had no other choice.

The lecturer seemed to be anticipating my delayed arrival. He didn't erase the lecture notes on the board and he kept on writing stuffs in the remaining small spaces on the board. May be he knew that I could not understand much Japanese from his explanations and that I was only relying on any lecture notes that I could copy. My assumption got stronger as he started to erase what were written on the board as I begun to copy them a few minutes ago. Too bad, there was a professor attending the lecture for the day and he knows me. He might tell my professor that I arrived half-an-hour late in today's lecture.

I was not able to escape the temptation of feeling sleepy during the lecture. But I managed to keep myself awake as soon as I detected my drowsiness.

It was already lunchtime and I decided to have lunch in the university cafeteria instead of going home to save time and to make sure that I won't be late again as the lecture resumes in the afternoon. But as I finished my meal, my tummy felt awkward so I had no choice but to rush home.

I really like rushing so to keep the long story short, I arrived one minute late to the lecture venue. Not that bad as the lecture was just about to start the second leg of the lecture.

He dismissed us half-an-hour ahead of schedule. It was so nice, as I could go home earlier. As I was on my way home, I was thinking of downloading and installing Vine Linux in my computer so I can use Japanese Latex at home. Aside from that, I felt inspired to resume doing my composition writing homework in Japanese. Although I already have almost half-a-dozen of unsubmitted compositions for correction, I particularly finished my article about my family as I am planning to upload it in my home page. I was really inspired as I surprisingly ended up with at least three pages! Upon going back my Thai friend asked me how to cook "turon saging" which he began to like when I served it during our cherry blossom viewing last spring. As he was not still having his dinner by that time, and me craving for another dinner as I had mine at about five in the afternoon, went to the nearby noodle shop and sipped some hot soup and hearty noodle bowl.

After going back from the noodle shop, I revised my personal homepage by uploading my article about the family with its English translation. I am planning to upload most of my Japanese compositions and translate them to English (and eventually to Tagalog and Spanish) little by little so that I will have a bilingual personal home page when I finish it.

Got to take a look at my old blog site here in Angelfire and I noticed that I had better articles here than those in my blogspot account. Now I am confused as I have three blog accounts: this, the one in blogspot, and the one in multiply (not to mention the one in Friendster that I have no plans of developing.) Oh well, as you can see, I added another entry in my web log in Angelfire.

Hope to keep it active again. OK, gotta go... I really need to work on the report that I need to submit to the lecturer later today.

* "I'm late! I'm late!" in Japanese. From Rei Ayanami's line in Ep. 26 of the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion.
** Originally posted in my Angelfire web blog on the same date.

My passion for missionary work under scrutiny

I slept a bit too late for the night or should I say too early for the day... approximately past 4 am to give you an idea. I am not really helping myself overcome my developing insomnia but I really need someone to talk to. A good friend kept me company by chatting with me through YM. It was not healthy physically to stay that late but it keeps me emotionally healthy and sane.

As an obvious result, I woke up late. About past 12 noon just only to attend the four-hour Japanese language teaching training course. Yeah, you got it right! I am attending a course on how to teach Japanese as a part of my volunteer work. In spite the fact that it is against my will to expose myself to extreme boredom for four straight hours in the middle of an all-Japanese audience, except me of course, I still convinced myself that I should go.

Everything was so perfect as I came just right in time in Kajo Central for the event. I proceeded to the fifth floor hoping that it would given a bit of a nice feeling making it on time this time-even though I know that the next two hundred and forty hours will be hard for me. But as I tried to enter the door, I saw that the sign at the door of the only room in the fifth level is different-not the name of the venue for the event.

Ok, the people left in the ＹＩＦＡ (山形市国際交流協会 Yamagata City International Friendship Association) told me that the meeting is being held at another building. They gave me a map and instructed me to go there. As not having been to the venue even just once, I don't know where it is actually. With a map and some courage, I asked two Japanese elderly people for directions. They whole-heartedly gave me the instructions and hoped that I would find my destination easily.

It was already a quarter before two when I was walking according to the directions that they had given me-according to the directions as I assume. Then after some minutes of not finding the venue, I started to worry. Am I still on the way? Or am I already lost? I've been walking quite far already and the sun was so hot that I feel more exhausted. I decided to get my bicycle from where I left it so that I can move around the place looking for the venue.

I got my bike but in my mind I was tempted not to go anymore. It was already 2:15 at that time-too late for arriving supposedly by 1:00 pm. I thought of meeting my friends instead and just tell the people in the YIFA that I wasn't able to find the way. Anyway, the session will be in Japanese and perhaps I would barely understand not even a bit of it. I was about to go back then when my heart spoke to me, "How could you do missionary work if your can not find places even though you've been already provided with directions?" Hearing these words, I made a firm decision of attending no matter how late I am.

I took the way that I walked a few minutes earlier. I went straight ahead for a few hundred meters. Then I found out that I can not see any building that fits the description of the venue. I prayed to God to please help me as I am already lost. My instinct told me to turn to the right of a simple road and to my very eyes I saw the building I was looking for.

The session already finished its first half and the people are having a break when I came. The Japanese people who know me greeted me. I asked for apologies for being so late. I just told them that I got lost find the venue. They smiled at me and told me that it was nothing to worry about as almost all of them also had a hard time looking for the venue and came about an hour late.

The second half of the seminar started and I was surprised that the speaker was very good. He is also Japanese-teaching Japanese people how to teach Japanese to foreigners (like me) in a communicative way. To my delight, I never found any difficulty understanding his talk. May be it was just because of his usage of words that are already in my Japanese vocabulary. But it was a very reason for me to enjoy the session and to find it too interesting and informative.

We had another 10 minute break before the last part and during that free time, two of my previous volunteer Japanese instructors saw me. They were surprised seeing me there attending the session as I was just a mere foreign Japanese language learning a year ago-and now I am with them attending the seminar as a Japanese language instructor myself. They expressed their joy that in a short span of time I became fluent in the language. (Although I myself think that I still have lots to learn.)

The seminar ended a few minutes past five. I saw another Japanese language instructor of mine as I left the conference room. I don't regret not seeing my friends in exchange of attending today's seminar. To treat myself, I bought some Japanese dishes in the nearby Viking shop (food are charged by the weight). おいしかったよ！（Oishikatta yo! It was delicious!)

Prega per noi*

A thought to ponder came into my mind today. How to pray? Many people pray to God. But there could have been different ways on how people do it. Most people recite traditional prayers. Some do their novenas. Some offer gifts and sacrifices. Some pray to saints. Some pray directly to God. Some pray using their own free thoughts and words.

I met Father Pearse this afternoon to talk about the church schedule for next month. It was about five minutes before six thirty. And by seven, he would be having the Holy Hour. So after our talk, I told him that I might as well join the Holy Hour. He told me that I can just leave whenever I want. Many people do that. Some people stay only for five to ten minutes. Some arrive in the middle and some arrive within the last few minutes of the Holy Hour.

I stayed. As Father told me that during the Holy Hour, there are no pre-determined prayers, I can pray freely. So I started with praying the common prayers. But I still wanted to stay after I finished my prayers so I just talked to God directly. I talked to Him just like a friend. I know that He knows what are inside my heart and mind even without saying a word but still I talked to Him heart-to-heart and mind-to-mind. This way I really feel comfortable. I can freely express to him everything I want to tell him.

I remembered my Religion teacher in second grade. He taught us how to pray. First, we gave thanks to the Lord for all the graces that we are receiving. Then, acknowledge our sins and ask for forgiveness. Last would be the things that we would like God to give us. Since then, my personal prayers have been in that pattern. Everyone has his or her own ways of praying but for me it is my personal routine.

I remembered my prayer book also in the Philippines. I have my "Gabay" (Guide) prayer book at home but I was not able to bring it here in Japan. It is very handy as I have the Rosary prayers, Order of the Mass, Stations of the Cross and other prayers written there.

As minutes passed during the Holy Hour I felt so light that I am talking to God. I remembered that this is the same feeling I feel every time I pray in the Adoration Chapel. Anyway, the setting is almost the same as Father exposed the Holy Eucharist in the altar. An hour has already passed and the Holy Hour will be held again next week.

At home, thoughts about prayers remained in my mind. I recited the Holy Rosary before going to bed. To tell you frankly now I have the habit of praying the five decades of Hail Mary the Holy Rosary in five different languages-English, Tagalog, Latin, Japanese and Italian-to keep me away from feeling sleepy and to learn how to pray in different languages. Before I also tried praying the entire rosary in Italian but I can not still memorize the Lord's Prayer and Glory Be. However, I do feel that I still have lots of time to learn them anyway. Pray for me.

* "Pray for us" in Italian.

Golden Week 2005

2005年度ゴールデンウィーク

４月２８日(木)－東京に到着

　　　　　　　－東京ディズニーランドの遠足(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

４月２９日(金)－東京ディズニーシー(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

４月３０日(土)－昼間休憩

　　　　　　　－祖師谷留学生会館に住んでいるフィリピン人の留学生とのバドミントンと運動(参加者:アビ,ロメオ,ジャニス,ディディス,アレックス,ブリックス,ラーリ,ダヤン,エディーお兄さん,マリテス)

５月０１日(日)－新宿にあるインド料理のレストランでの昼食(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

－東京都庁の撮影(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

　　　　　　　－四ツ谷の聖イグナチオ教会でのフォークミサ(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

　　　　　　　－港区の東京タワー遠足(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

５月０２日(月)－祖師谷留学生会館に住んでいるフィリピン人の留学生たちの料理会（エリックは「豚肉とブロッコリーとオイスターソース」を作った）(参加者: (アビ,ロメオ,ジャニス,ディディス,チー,アレックス,ギング, ダヤン,エディーお兄さん, レヤ)

　　　　　　　－アビ家での飲み会、モノポリーのゲーム(参加者:アビ,ロメオ, ジャニス,ディディス,チー,アレックス)

５月０３日(火)－昼間休憩

　　　　　　　－お台場の遠足、大観覧車乗車(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

　　　　　　　－祖師谷留学生会館に住んでいるフィリピン人の留学生たちとのカラオケ(参加者:

５月０４日(水)－阿部家の訪問、高山社長の出会い、うなぎレストランでの夕食

　　　　　　　－浅草の浅草寺(せんそうじ)の訪問(一人で)

　　　　　　　－六本木でのバーホッピング(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

５月０５日(木)－多摩市のドーミー永山の訪問(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

　　　　　　　－Toho Cinemaでの「ハイド・アンド・シーク」(Hide and Seek)の映画(ジャニスさんと一緒に)

　　　　　　　－山形に戻る

５月０６日(金)－山形にと到着

写真集：http://ebdeguzman.multiply.com/photos/album/22

Golden Week 2005
Thu Apr 28 - Arrival at Tokyo

- Tokyo Disneyland with Janice

Fri Apr 29 - Tokyo Disney Sea with Janice

Sat Apr 30 - rest during the daytime

- Badminton and gym with international student of Filipino who lives in Soshigaya International Student Hall (Abby, Romeo, Janice, Didith, Alex, Brix, Larry, Dianne, Kuya Eddie, Maritess)

Sun May 01 - Lunch at an Indian restaurant in Shinjuku with Janice

- Picture taking at Tokyo Metropolitan Government area

- Folk Mass in Saint Ignatius Church in Yotsuya

- Excursion to Tokyo Tower in Minato Ward

Mon May 02 - Dinner/Cooking session with Filipino students living in Soshigaya International Student Hall (Eric cooked “Pork and Broccoli in Oyster Sauce”.) (Abby, Romeo, Janice, Didith, Chie, Alex, Ging, Dianne, Kuya Eddie, Lea)

- Drinking in Abby’s place and Monopoly game (Abby, Romeo, Janice, Didith, Chie, Alex)

Tue May 03 - rest during the daytime

- Excursion to Odaiba and getting on the large Ferris wheel

- Karaoke with Filipino students living in Soshigaya International Student Hall (Dianne, Dennis, Lea, Janice)

Wed May 04 - Afternoon meeting/visit to Abe Family and Mr. Takayama in Saitama

- Dinner with Mr. Takayama and Mr. Abe in an eel restaurant

- Visit to Senso-ji Temple in Asakusa

- Bar hopping with Janice in Roppongi Hills

Thu May 05 - Visit to Dormy Nagayama in Tama City with Janice

- Viewing of the movie “Hide and Seek” in Toho Cinema.

- Return to Yamagata.

Fri May 06 - Arrival to Yamagata

Ｐｈｏｔｏｓ：http://ebdeguzman.multiply.com/photos/album/22

Article in Japanese: New Year in the Philippines

Please allow me to publish online some of the articles I have written in Japanese. Most of the time, I will be providing translations in English.

　フィリピンでは、1月1日はお正月です。お正月はフィリピンで最もカラフルな祝賀の1つです。 家族と友人は、大晦日の真夜中に夕食を集めて、共有しています。彼らは食物と果物を準備しています。最も顕著であるのは、長寿を象徴するように、ヌードルの料理を作っています。そして、お金を象徴するように果物は大切です。 お正月の間、多くのフィリピン人が、次の年を繁栄しているものにするように習慣と伝統を観測しています。 例えば、人々は、12種類の丸い果物を集めて、食卓の周りに置いています。果物は家庭にお金が来るためのものです。そして、長寿を達成するのにスパゲッティやビフンなどのヌードルを食べています。子供たちの身長が高くなるように、時計が12時を打つとき、跳んでいます。そして、悪霊を追い払うために音を立てています。人々は、一年中お金を持つために自分達のポケットにコインを入れています。 そ して、不運を追い払うために花火と爆竹を明るくしています。お金を招待するために、丸いデザインで衣服を着ています。幸運を歓迎するためにドアに果物、 （例えば、ぶどう）を掛けています。ドアや窓や引き出しなどは、運が入るように開かれています。ほかの習慣もやっています。

　フィリピンでは、お正月はクリスマスと一緒に祝われています。 そ ういうわけで、人々は教会へミサを参列に行って、挨拶を送るために親類の家を訪問しています。そして、その代わりに、子供は親類から贈り物を受け取ってい ます。最も一般的な贈り物がお金です。大勢の家族と友人は、故郷に帰って、集めて、再会をして、祝っています。ところで、中国のお正月も祝っています。

New Year in the Philippines

January 1 is New Year in the Philippines. New Year is one of the most colorful celebrations in the Philippines. Families and friends gather together and share the dinner at the midnight of the New Year's Eve. They prepare food and fruits. Most remarkable are the noodles that symbolize long life; and the fruits, which symbolize money. During New Year, many Filipinos observe customs and traditions to make the coming New Year a prosperous one. For example, people collect 12 kinds of round fruits and put them around the dining table. These fruits are for money to come in the household. People eat noodles such as spaghetti and bihon to achieve long life. Children jump as the clock strikes twelve for them to grow tall. People put coins in their pockets to have money all-year round. Children make noise to drive evil spirits away. People light up fireworks and firecrackers to drive away bad luck. People wear clothes with round designs to invite money. People hang fruits in the door to welcome good luck. Doors, windows and drawers are opened to let the luck come in, and so on.

New Year is celebrated in the Philippines along with Christmas. As such, people visit relatives to send greetings and in return, the children receive gifts from the relatives. Most common gift is in the form of money. Many families and friends gather together and celebrate reunions and homecomings. Also, Chinese New Year is also celebrated.

Two Dreams

Note for the readers: I am not claiming to be a visionary of any sort. I am just an ordinary person. I just had these dreams and I do not want to keep them alone as they might have meanings. These two articles were written March 27, 2005.

A Dream About Hell

Account of a dream sometime in January or February of 2005

In a dream, I was once like St. John in the book if the Revelation, guided by an angel, to the deep area of Hell. I was toured around just like an observer. It seemed like everyone in there did not notice me, as they continue what they were doing.

Inside was dark, although fires everywhere give off light all over the place. I was guided to the main area, should I say a hall, as everyone were there and it seemed like they are having some kind of ritual or activity. I moved around and saw that the area was surrounded by somewhat like a wall made of wood-deep rusty brown in color as lighted by the burning flames. The wall has many arched-shaped wholes that serve as passages. There were people beyond the wall and there were so many people inside the main area. The front part was like theater's stage. It was well lighted as compared to the main area. The Beast was there but I did not look at it. There were many creatures accompanying the Beast in the front area. People were screaming, though I was not sure if due to pain or due to enjoyment of what were going on.

I was then guided to pass through on of the arches. Ironic to my assumption that that particular arch was the same as the other arches in the wall, it led to a small chamber. Inside, there were demons making noises, just like people chatting with each other in a party. I noticed that in the middle of the chamber, there was a table with white cloth and on top of it I saw a horrible creature. It was a human but in an abnormal form-like a person born with physical abnormalities. The person was lying there naked, his limbs were very long. I was not able to look at him so closely but it seemed that he had his limbs connected and he lacked some of his limbs. He had a very dark-colored skin and he was mute. He was in Hell as he was very lustful during his life on earth. He was gay and had many sexual affairs with the same sex. But I will never forget his eyes and face as he looked exactly like one of my friends. Should I name him? Perhaps, I will give a hint instead. He is fond of using his nickname instead of his real name. His nickname starts with the letter M.

The demons loudly asked him to perform some tricks-tricks like twisting his body parts. He did the tricks very well. His body was very flexible so that he could make any form of twisting. The demons laughed and told him that he would perform for the Beast-not body twisting but sex positions. So from performing body tricks, he shifted to assimilating sex positions alone. He just then smiled-like feeling so flattered as he would perform in front of the Beast. I felt like I wanted to cry as I was thinking he was indeed my friend. I felt sorry that because of his immoral life while on earth, now he was in Hell. But it was still a mystery to me, why he looked like he was born with physical abnormalities.

A Dream About the Second Coming

Account of another dream sometime in January or February of 2005

In another dream, I had a vision of the Second Coming. It was not as long as my previous vision of Hell but it had been very detailed.

I was in a city, an urban place with modern technologies, tall buildings, business establishments and many other signs of development. I was particularly in a busy street. It was night then. I knew that I was not alone although I was not sure whether I was with my family or with my friend or friends during that night.

Suddenly, we heard a very loud sound. I could not describe the sound that well but I found it similar to the sound of rumbling rocks as I heard during the July 16, 1990 earthquake in the Philippines. It was so scary so that many people panicked and run away. For my case and whoever family or friend that was or were with me at that time, I or we was/were not able to move out of our place.

I felt very afraid when the land where we were standing broke open. I though we were going to die as we fell down the crack but we were able to stand on top of somewhere down there. As such, we were still able to witness what happened next.

We all looked up the heavens and saw that a very bright light came out in the middle of the dark skies. It was very bright red-orange light. I was not able to see what was behind the very bright light as my eyes could not stand looking at it. I then felt this unexplainable fear but I was sure that this is the end of the world as described in the scriptures and that the Son of God has finally come!

I do not know the real reason why I had these two visions but perhaps they appeared to me as means to let me aware of these things and that they exist and will soon occur. Let us pray to God that we would be ready when these things happen.

Welcome to Japan

The lobby the New Tokyo International Airport (Narita)

The long wait was finally over. The plane was descending and the voice-over announced "Welcome to Japan!" At about 14:15 JST, we got off from the plane and all of us-Monbusho scholars from the Philippines seemed to be all excited in setting our feet of the Land of the Rising Sun.

From the terminal, we took a small train to go to the lobby area. We passed by the immigration and looked for our luggage. Outside, at the lobby, the AIEJ (Association for International Education Japan) staffs were all waiting for us. They were so organized in accommodating us. They put us in groups, gave us instructions and made us wait for the airport shuttle bus.

After getting our free time, I looked for a money changer and had my dollar pocket money changed to Japanese yen. I immediately phone home. I told them that I was already in Japan. They informed me in return that my computer at home broke down. At that instant I felt like I want to go back to Manila to fix my computer.


Narita Airport Rest House Hotel Tokyo

The AIEJ staff led us to airport shuttle bus station. It was very cold outside the airport. A few minutes, the shuttle bus came and took us to the Narita Airport Rest House. Along the way, I looked around and I was impressed to see that it was very clean all around. We checked-in the hotel upon arriving. I was assigned in a room with other two Filipino guys. It was around 4 o'clock in the afternoon then. After settling in, we talked with each other and watched TV. We also dropped by the girls' room. At about 7 o'clock in the evening, we went back to the airport to have our dinner.

We roamed around the stores looking for affordable dinner. But we all had the same impression that things in Japan are about ten times as expensive in the Philippines. And if we keep on converting the Yen prices to Philippine peso, we would all end up hungry. If I can still remember, I just had chicken curry then.


Inside the Narita Airport Rest House

After getting full, we went back to our rooms. Before going to sleep, we took turns in the bathroom. I tried the bathtub but as I wasn't used to it yet at that time, I felt dizzy. After putting on a yukata, and before I went to bed, I first made an impression of the night view around the airport. A few minutes later, I fell asleep. That has been my first night in Japan.

Leaving on a Jetplane

Ninoy Aquino International Airport

It's April 1. Many people know it as April Fool's Day but for me, it was the start of a new chapter of my life. I am now staying here in Japan for a year! As such, I will relive the moments that happened exactly a year ago.

March 31, my last day in the office was quite a jam-packed day for me. I was too busy preparing my things to be brought beck home and at the same time, trying to stop the clock from ticking as I need to finish my tasks before I say my final goodbye to my second home-my office for the past two years.

We had a send-off party at home with my college friends the night before so I took an off during the morning. I just came to the office after lunch to have my last day. About 6 pm, my officemate and friend, Flint, told me that the team prepared a send-off dinner for me. So we went to a Japanese restaurant. They treated me for the dinner and they gave me a gift. It was a bundle of F4 collectible magazines. Flint personally gave me another collectible magazine. I was so touched by their kindness.

After the dinner I went back to the office to continue my work. My academic adviser, Dr. Joey Balmaceda, asked me if I can drop by his office in Diliman as Prof. Ozeki sent some maps and guides for me to use as I come to Japan. Due to my very hectic schedule, I just asked Sir Joey to leave the stuffs to the guard in the Quezon Hall as I was anticipating that I could only drop by there at about 11 o'clock in the evening.

It was about 11 o'clock and I haven't completed all of my work. But as my flight the following morning would be early, I decided to go home. Hanna and Glen, my officemates and friends, went out with me from the office. We took a taxi that would bring me to Diliman. My friends from college, Rose and Mary Ann, also wanted to say their well wishes to me so they also went to Makati to meet me. Unfortunately, due to my tasks, I wasn't able to meet them until I had them picked up at EDSA and let them ride the taxi with me to Diliman.

We dropped off Hanna and Glen along Crossing(?) and me, Rose and Mary Ann straight to Diliman. We got Sir Joey's stuffs from the guard and we sat down for a while behind the UP Oblation to rest.

Rose and Mary Ann gave me a poster and they wrote their messages for me at the back. They also had me write my messages for them in their own posters. After that, we separated ways and I went home. I reached our house at about 2 o'clock in the morning.

I wasn't able to sleep at home. It was because of both excitement and the worries of my tasks that will be left at the office. At about 4 o'clock in the morning, I got online and finished all of my reports, worksheets and hand-off notices for my team. I also sent out "thank you" notes to those who wished me well-my Repo team and the Disputes, Fraud and Letter Writing teams.

Having not that much time, I left our house at about 6 o'clock in the morning. I went to the airport with my family except my younger brother, Patrick, who looked after the house.

Arriving at the airport, I was immediately asked to enter for checking in. I was not able to even hug my parents and siblings for the last time. I was so sad as I would be missing them for a long time but I tried not to shed tears.

Forty-five minutes before the departure, I was still lining up for checking in. My things are so heavy and I know that I would incur overweight baggage charges. A lady in front of me in the line has only one small luggage so I asked her if we can have our luggage checked-in together so we can enjoy the allowable baggage capacity for two people. She agreed so I felt relieved. Unfortunately, the staffed employed to do the checking-in procedures were so inefficient so after the girl had her small luggage weighed, the staff took so much time to weigh my things. As a result, the girl got irritated and told me she was going to come inside for immigration procedures. I was left and they charged me a whooping 3,000 pesos for the excess.

About thirty minutes before the departure, I was able to board the plane. My seatmate's nickname was AJ. He was also a Monbusho scholar like me but he would stay in Tokyo. The flight took four hours non-stop. We had a Japanese lunch set and AJ and I had sake or Japanese rice wine. So as a trivia, I entered the Japanese territory under the influence of alcohol. :-)

My Own Review of 천국의계단 (Cheonguk ui Gyedan) - Stairway to Heaven

천국의계단 (Cheonguk ui Gyedan) - Stairway to Heaven

Korean TV Drama

Original Korean title: 천국의계단 (Cheonguk ui Gyedan)

English title: Stairway to Heaven/Paradise

Japanese title: 天国の階段 (Tengoku no Kaidan)

Chinese title: 天国的阶段 (Tianguo de Jieduan)

Starring: Kwon Sangwoo, Choi Jiwoo, Shin Hyunjoon, Kim Taehee

Cross-references to Character names used in the Philippines (Korea):
Kwon Sangwoo as Cholo (Cha Songjoo)
Choi Jiwoo as Jodi/Jenna (Han Jungseo/Kim Jisoo)
Shin Hyunjoon as Tristan/Charlie (Han Taehwa/Han Chulsoo)
Kim Taehee as Eunice (Han Yoori)

Remarks:
20 episodes
I watched the Korean version with English subtitles, and a few episodes (eps. 4, 18 & 19) dubbed in Japanese.

Summary:
Long time childhood friends Cha Songjoo (Kwon Sangwoo) and Han Jungseo (Choi Jiwoo) got separated first when Songjoo flew to the US for his studies. Jungseo was left with her evil stepmother, actress Tae Mira and stepsister, Han Yoori (Kim Taehee). In addition to that, she felt uncomfortable due to her stepbrother, Han Taehwa (Shin Hyunjoon) showing affection to her.

After three years, Songjoo came back to Korea and was about to meet Jungseo. Having only a glimpse of his love's face, he was not able to meet her as she was hit by the car the drunken Yoori was driving. Yoori made it known that Jungseo died due to a car accident, allegedly not her own fault. She kept Jungseo under her biological father's (Han Pilsoo) care.

Poor Jungseo lost her memory as result of the accident. Taehwa took this as an opportunity to keep Jungseo as he gave her a new identity as Kim Jisoo as his girlfriend. They stayed with Pilsoo under one roof for five years.

Wicked Tae Mira and Yoori planned well so that Yoori will marry Songjoo, who will inherit the whole Global Group afterwards.

Songjoo, who hasn't gotten over Jungseo's "death", saw Kim Jisoo in the amusement park. As he was thinking she was Jungseo, he did everything to get near her and tried everything to make her admit she is Jungseo. Tae Mira, Yoori and Taehwa would try their best to make sure that the star-crossed lovers will never be together.

Eventually, Jungseo regained her memory and remembered her love for Songjoo. Taehwa then conceded in his pursuits for Jungseo as he committed himself in looking after her as an older brother. She was about to fight all her way against Yoori for Songjoo until she found out that she will become blind, eventually will die of eye cancer, as her mother. She tried to give up Songjoo so as not to make him feel sad.

Songjoo later on realized Jungseo's real condition but never had his feelings changed for her. Shortly, Jungseo lost her vision. Songjoo never gave up as he had Jungseo undergo eye surgery as treatment for her eye cancer. On a supposed to be a pre-wedding gathering for him and Yoori, the truth regarding Tae Mira and Yoori's evil doings were revealed by Taehwa and Pilsoo. Songjoo got his mother's blessings and married Jungseo at last.

Everything seemed to be going well until Jungseo showed again signs which lead to the diagnosis that her cancer metastasized to her brain. Songjoo wished to donate one of his eyes to Jungseo, but doctors do not allow eye transplants from a living donor. Inspired by Jungseo's wish to be able to see her beloved Songjoo again even just for only one time, Taehwa engaged himself in a car accident to donate his eyes to Joungseo; in exchange of the happiness she had brought to his life.

Eventually, Jungseo will die in Songjoo's arms. In the end, Songjoo will be seen playing a piano piece for Jungseo by the sea.

Review:

The drama progressed with a very nice story. From their childhood, the plot made its premises. Why the characters acted that way as the story progressed could be easily understood in the childhood days of the characters. As they grew up to be adults, the story fast forwarded ten years later.

Although it had a nice storyline, the themes of wicked stepmother and stepsister, amnesia and terminal illness seemed to be stereotypes in soap operas. Tae Mira’s character was strictly evil. She had been the mastermind of all plots against Jungseo, except the car accident one. To her Yoori seeks refuge as to how she (Yoori) will react to the dynamic turn of events.

Yoori, as a child was a wicked girl in herself. But as she grew up, she became dependent on her mom with regards to the evil tactics. An exception to this was when she made to appear that Jungseo died. This is an attempt to conceal her involvement in the real incident. But as the story goes, she seemed to be helpless on her own. Songjoo had been aloof to her despite the fact that they will be engaged, especially since Songjoo saw Kim Jisoo. Personally, I felt that Yoori turned out to be somewhat like a martyr in the name of love. In addition to that, everyone will notice that Kim Taehee possesses such a very lovely face. She was able to conceal it under a very fierce and wicked image during the entire drama.

Taehwa's full 180 degree turn from a pursuing guy to an almost "guardian angel" to Jungseo was so remarkable. As he competed for Jungseo, everyone would hate him, but he will soon win everyone's sympathy especially for his act of love... giving Jungseo the chance to see the world again.

With regards to Jungseo, I came to the point that I got sick of her tendency to keep everything within herself. No matter how persevering Songjoo has been to win her, there had been not a few attempts that she turned him down, despite the fact that she loves him as well.

I have my hat off for Songjoo. I have never seen or heard such a very dedicated lover to follow Jungseo wherever she goes, literally and emotionally, in real life.

I have to admit got bored in the middle of the series, especially when Songjoo's mother began to hate Kim Jisoo and Jungseo. She got brainwashed by Tae Mira and Yoori obviously. Also, for me, by that time I had enough of Jungseo denying herself her right to be happy.

But it seems like the Koreans dramas are following the same trend-tragic endings. As we are just taking a peek at their own little world, cultural differences may affect out personal enjoyment of the series.

I am just wondering until now. Why is Jungseo still calling Songjoo "Oppa (Brother)" after they got married? It was quite uncomfortable.

The sountrack was also superb. Try to feel the suspense and excitement being conveyed by Rebecca Luker's Ave Maria.

But all of these not so good points that I've mentioned above didn't restrain me from falling in love with the series-the Korean drama I have ever watched.

Launching of "OBANDO: LEGEND OF A DANCE" website

Obando: Legend of a Dance

Hello everyone,

Every year during the middle part of May,
while the bamboo musicians of Obando are
energetically blowing air into their wind
instruments, the old men and women wearing antique
Pilipino clothes are continuously dancing and
teasing along the street, which is followed by the
carriages of Saint Paschal, Saint Claire and the
Our Lady of Salambao. The hymn of "Santa Clarang
Pinung-pino (Very Fine St. Claire)" seems to be
filling the air all over the place...

I would like to announce the re-launching of
my website-Obando Fertility Dance. It has been
launched last September 29, 2001 in Filipino
version but today I added an English version as well.

The URL is http://www.geocities.com/obando81.

Please do not forget to sign the guestbook.

Thanks,
Eric
Obando: Legend of a Dance webmaster

Poisoning the Well

I am staying here in Japan as a research student. I go to school to study. But on my free time, I have other things aside from studying. For example, some time in April of last year, I was invited by a student to join their salsa practice every week. This student was asked before by the International Student Section to tour us around the campus. As a sign of good will, I joined. Some time in June one of the International Student Center's tutors asked me if I could join a sports club for health purposes. Having been overweight for the past few months by that time, and again, as a sign of good will, I joined. Sometimes I used the training exercises but most of the time I did swimming. Then I was glad about the results. I lost - not just a few pounds - but a few kilograms! Then came August, during my preparations for taking the entrance exam, one of the Japanese language instructors from the International Student Center asked me if I can spare some time to do volunteer work. There are some Filipino kids here in Yamagata that needs help in their schooling. Again, as a sign of good will, I joined. To these Filipino kids, I taught Mathematics, English and Japanese.

As I have written in my previous article "The Japanese Smear Campaign", my supervisor once confronted me about going to the sports club. I told him that I go there for health reasons. He also checked if my financial situation was alright. I said that it was alright. For the record, I had been into this financial trouble when the International Student Center wanted me to move out of the dormitory as I am receiving scholarship from the Japanese government. But (even until now) our stipend is (until now) one month delayed, I thought that I might be in trouble as moving to a new apartments requires a big amount of money. I asked the International Student Center if I could file for an extension in the dormitory but they did not allowed me. Instead, they claimed that the stipend would be enough to cover the expenses of moving out. NOt only that, they interrogated me about my monthly expenses. Although, for me, asking my monthly expenses is quite a personal thing, they kept on asking me. So what happened was, I did belt-tightening measures just to bridge the gap in my finances. I just moved in an apartment that is quite cheaper but far from the university.

Knowing that perhaps my tutor has been squealing things about me to my supervisor, I feel that it has created a bad impression of me. Aside from that, it appeared that I had been keeping secrets to my supervisor... as he heard things about me from another person and not directly from me. But the things for me is, there are some things that need not to be told to my supervisor. In other words, some things are private. But eventually were disclosed to him.

Some time in Octiber or November, the International Student Center asked me to come to their office. Again they asked me about my expenses. I told them that my financial situation was already ok as I already moved in to a new apartment. Then they mentioned about me attending the sports club. I told the clerk that I already quitted going to the sports club. Then they told me that heard I was taking piano lessons under a music instructor. I denied it as it was really not true. Once, in a Japanese language class we wrote messages in a postcard assuming that we were to sent the postcards to our friends. For my postcard, I assumed writing to my Japanese friend who plays the piano very well to each me how to play. So I thought they got the idea about the piano lessons from the postcard. But for me, as the postcard activity was just a "simulation", what I wrote on it was not necessarily true.

From that time onwards, I felt that the Japanese were looking closely at me and my activities. At first, I had this suspiscion that all of these bad publicities going around my academic supervisor were from my tutor. I know that as my tutor, he is receiving money from the Japanese government. But instead of teaching me Japanese or help me make my life here in Japan better, here he comes telling my supervisor everything he (tutor) knows about me, most of the time things that he just heard from other Japanese people as well. And he is doing this beyond my knowledge. As a result, my supervisor will have a bad impression of me. These past few days, I felt my supervisor had already changed in the way that he has been treating me. It is a sign that he has already been affected by the rumors. I had long been silent about this matter but I decided that one day I will stand up and talk to him. Sunday night I asked my tutor not to tell to my supervisor things that are not related to my studies. But he denied it as he told me that the clerk in the International Student Center was the one telling all of these things to my supervisor. My tutor enumerated to me all the things that the clerk disclosed to my supervisor. And I was surprised to know that the clerk knows everything about me-the sports club, the salsa and the volunteer work. Not only the extra-curricular activities that I do, she also knows what things I bought. For example, the keyboard that I got from a second hand shop. She told my supervisor that she was thinking that I was still attending the sports club thus, spending lots and lots of money. She claimed that she was just worried about my financial situation.

I told my tutor that I was surprised upon knowing these things. I had this comment that "This clerk is so terrible. Why just don't do her job properly and not mingle with things regarding me?" But my tutor replied that "It is her duty." Huh? Duty? It is only now that I heard this kind of duty in the school? What duty is this? Look after the private lives of the scholars? I felt that my privacy had been compromised. I felt that I was betrayed. She can not claim that she is just helping me because she has been doing all these things behind my back. In reality, she is not helping me at all. In fact, she has long been destroying my credibility to my supervisor-all behind my back!

My tutor came to talk to the clerk to tell her that I already quitted the sports club. I don't know what happened and what would be the effect to me. It seems that my tutor doesn't fully understand the situation. All he believes is that the clerk is just doing her job and it is me who needs to take care as the clerk has been watching me.

Knowing all of these conspiracies, I lost my drive for studying. I lost my interest in attending the salsa practice and in doing volunteer work. Just as the same effect when they mingled with my sports club activities, I feel like I want to quit everything. I feel that the clerk had been too much in invading my privacy. It is me who knows which things should I disclose to my supervisor. But instead, now my supervisor is thinking that I had been keeping everything to him. I am now in total disaster. Thanks to that stupid clerk.

I feel that I do not deserve this kind of treatment. To tell the truth, my lifestyle here is one of the simplest as compared to other scholars. Other scholars go on trips abroad. Some of them always indulge themselves on shopping for new clothes, eating in fine dining restaurants. Some of them always buy the newest electronic gadgets. But I am not like them. Does this good-for-nothing clerk disclose these things to the other scholars' supervisors? Or does she know about these things in the first place?

Unfortunately, to make things worst, my academic situation now is not that good. My mathematical background is not enough to catch up with my lessons here. So I have this problem on top of my list. Then I would discover these evil doings by that narrow-minded clerk. My point is, no matter how good I keep on persevering, as my supervisor already have this bad impression of me, life will be severely difficult for me. Oh, well! She had long been poisoning the well and she had succeeded in doing it. How I wish one day, she will drink water from that well.

February 8, 2005
Yamagata City, Japan