Sana Maulit Muli

(I Wish It Could Happen Again, 繰り返したらいいな)

I won't write about ABS-CBN's soap but let me borrow its title for today's entry. Looking back to the days that passed, I can always say to myself, "I wish it could happen again." Not because I want to relive the moments, but to correct something in the past so that the present and the future will take a different course. Yeah, I refer to the things in the past that I consider my mistakes. Who would want to change happy moments in their lives? Do I sound pathetic? Yeah, may be in a way.

I've been slacking for three years ever since I came to Japan. I came here to study but circumstances led me not to exert my fullest efforts to finish my program. I've been a carefree student and I feel so much ashamed for that. Knowing that I will be graduating next week assured me that somehow I have completed all my requirements but deep inside, I feel discontentment as I wasn't able to put up a good fight. I just let myself go with the flow and just finish things just for the sake of merely completing them as they were required. This is one of the things that I always wish na sana maulit muli.

Another thing was my interpersonal relationships. Being away from my family led me to seek friends in Japan. I felt blessed having many friends, most of them were my Filipino acquiantances in the church. However, as friendships get deeper, my involvement with them had gone deeper as well... and involvement meant not only getting caught into good stuffs but with the not-so-good experiences as well. I won't elaborate more but one sad incident concerning me, and a Filipina friend spoiled everything. We had an argument in which news about what happened reached other people as well. I saw several reactions and I tell you, not all of those reactions were sympathy on my side. I came to the point of severing my ties with other friends as well. I started to see disadvantages of having them as friends. I started complaining that they do ask more and greater favors from me as compared to what favors I received from them. It was not my nature to count favors against favors but I really turned out to be that superficial. Good thing was, it didn't last long. I came to my senses and felt that not all of my friends are like that other friend who treated me bad. Suddenly I came to realize that more people are concerned about me. I felt so touched and I appreciated all the concerns so much.

Another thing was with my lovelife. I was loved and loved in Japan and even in the Philippines before coming to Japan. I really want to go back to the past and do something. Supress love towards the wrong person and wait to love until the right time. It may be so vague but somehow, these are also things that I regret doing in the past.

Anyway, tomorrow is always a new day and a fresh new start. Maybe instead of sulking and wishfully thinking that the past may be changed, I should focus more on the present to make way for a better future. 決まった！